Well I looked back to the last time I had posted and it was 4 1/2 weeks before our world was flipped upside down by two special little girls....Gracie's little sisters, Anna and Sarah. Now all those years I waited to have my own children I had heard how ONE baby made life so crazy...well let me tell you what happens when you have two babies....you basically run on a hamster wheel and I mean you run. Life literally became this chaos filled beautiful place in a matter of two minutes...7:52am and 7:53am on March 14th brought us our double rainbow babies. Now I have heard figuring out one baby is difficult and people want a owner's manual, so you can imagine how often I wish I had a book to tell me what they want and need. Anna and Sarah may be twins but they couldn't be more opposite individuals if they tried. Their personalities are definitely unique and belong to just them. We get asked if they are fraternal or identical and Dr. Witt told us the only way to know 100% is to do genetic testing because of how twins develop but we are pretty sure they are fraternal. They look and act differently and are essentially sisters that were just born at the same time. We try and treat them to their personality and like individuals even now when they are only 5 months old...I don't think we have ever referred to them as "the twins." Normally we say "the girls" when referring to both at the same time. I have done a lot of reading and a lot of times twins especially fraternal twins that get treated the same despite their differences and preferences and get referred to as the twins can grow up resenting being a twin. I can see where that would be easy to do but we have tried hard to see them for who they are and go with it. Anna is more of a cuddly baby that likes to take things in. She's very active and rolls over both ways already. She can be more "high maintenance" as some refer to her as, but over all a very sweet little girl. She is a mommy's girl and has been from day one. Sarah is my more laid back, smile at everyone, loud, and boisterous baby. Jeff can do all the rough and tumble stuff with her and she LOVES it. She is a daddy's girl and her face lights up the minute he walks in the room. They definitely have a very unique and special bond. I can see her on the tractor and combine with him in the very near future. When we were pregnant Jeff was nervous because he didn't know how to burp a baby or change a diaper and I reassured him that with two of them he would be catching on quickly and he did. The girls were born right at the beginning of the craziest time of the year on the farm so Jeff has had to help out with the girls as he is able to. He makes time in his day for them even though he has a zillion other things he wants to do. He loves his girls and when people make comments to him how "now you need a boy" he always shakes his head and says how his girls are enough if that is all we have. He talks of all the things he "needs" to teach them from driving stick shift, to driving tractors and combines and making hay, and working cattle and how to pull a calf and on and on and on. They are going to be learning it all around here. :)
When we think back to how much our lives have changed in the past 2 1/2 years since we were pregnant with Gracie it is hard to wrap your brain around what we've all experienced. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions and feelings from initial joy to devastation about Gracie's defect to dealing with our grief and then joy and anxiety when we found out about the girls. The day Anna and Sarah were born, Gracie's presence was overwhelmingly felt in the hospital and has been since the day they were born. She is here and part of our lives and our family, just not in a tangible way. Since the girls were very small we found them staring up at our mantel where Gracie's big picture sits...I don't find that a coincidence by any means. We talk about Gracie to the girls and her pictures are up everywhere in the house including one in their nursery. She's their big sister and their guardian angel. We find ourselves wondering what kind of baby she would have been and what she would be like right now. We are about 2 months away from her 2nd birthday...hard to believe where we were at emotionally 2 years ago versus today. The hurt and the void in my heart is still there and will always be there but her memory brings a smile instead of tears most days. Of course on her 2nd birthday the memories and "what if's" will be ever present but I don't see how they can't be there. I have so many things I want to ask Gracie but we will have to wait until God joins us as a family in heaven someday. For now I still take notice in her signs that she's here....butterflies still hover around us and give me a glimpse of them out the kitchen window when I am stressed. Having the Anna and Sarah is a big blessing but even big blessings can be overwhelming. There are days (many days) I want to pull my hair out because they seem to like to sabotage each other's naps and it can end up being a never ending process. Each one has different needs of sleep. Anna is a cat napper and there are days I swear Sarah has sleeping sickness (HA!). So their naps times don't jive and they seem to know the exact moment their sister is just ready to fall into a good sleep and they feel it's appropriate to let out a huge scream that I swear is just for kicks. I love them dearly despite all the frustrations of figuring out two babies and how overwhelming they can be at times and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I know Gracie had a hand in this so I am trusting her. Not everything is with the girls is frustrating and overwhelming though...when you get them both going with the giggles there is no better sound. When they snuggle up in your arms and drift off to sleep there is nothing more satisfying as a mother or father. This is our new crazy, beautiful life.......
